For example, two girls in the choir I sing in at university befriended me last year, and we talk and walk home after choir, but our friendship has never moved past that. We don't hang out outside of choir, and I don't know how to have a real friendship with them. I've pretty much given up on that, because they're graduating in 2 months and then they're going to go back to their hometowns and we'll probably only talk every few months on facebook or something.
As much as I wish I could just be alone, I actually do feel lonely, so I have tried to make other friends. But the few times I've tried this, it has ended in disaster. A girl befriended me this summer, and we hung out a lot for 2 months or so, and then all of the sudden she got distant. I asked her why things got awkward and she told me nothing was wrong, which was incredibly frustrating because her actions did not match her words. Every time I suggested plans she said "maybe" and never committed, so I stopped asking. And she never made suggestions of her own. The only thing I can figure out is maybe I was relying on her too much, since at the time she was my only friend, and she felt burdened. Also, she mentioned that our friendship was not as two way as she would have liked, so I suppose through my AS inability to reciprocate, I doomed the friendship.
Last month, I asked a girl I wanted to get to know better in my choir if she wanted to go for coffee. We went for coffee once, and then planned a second one but she got sick and cancelled. After that, she hasn't answered my texts. I see her at choir on Monday nights, but I have trouble talking to her there. I prefer to text her - so maybe she thinks I'm ignoring her at choir and that's not ok with her.
I find it so hard to navigate relationships and friendships. The only thing saving my sanity right now is that a few people on the spectrum have been getting together in my city weekly and I can go there and not feel like an alien.
The way I've decided to try to make friends now is by volunteering - if I'm in a volunteer position doing a job, I feel useful, and there is social interaction there - for example I am the communications officer for my school's theatre company, which basically means I take minutes at our meetings. It gives me a job to do and a reason to be there. Maybe we're not lifelong friends, but at least I'm not shutting myself off in my room alone.
Does anyone else have difficulty making friends even though you want them? Has anyone found a way through this? Is my new strategy of just volunteering and socializing that way a good strategy? I -am- happy that I have a friend or two on the spectrum, I seem to be able to connect with them.
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Transgender. Call me 'he' please. I'm a guy.
Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
--Abbie Hoffman
Source: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt189078.html
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